The Varied Life of Steph

osamah: DONT BE SAD LOOK AT THIS DUCK INSTEAD

Wed, 22 May 2013 20:16:20 -0400

DONT BE SAD LOOK AT THIS DUCK INSTEAD

The Problem with 'Boys Will Be Boys'

Wed, 22 May 2013 19:39:04 -0400

For months, every morning when my daughter was in preschool, I watched her construct an elaborate castle out of blocks, colorful plastic discs, bits of rope, ribbons and feathers, only to have the same little boy gleefully destroy it within seconds of its completion.

No matter how many times he did it, his parents never swooped in BEFORE the morning’s live 3-D reenactment of “Invasion of AstroMonster.” This is what they’d say repeatedly:

“You know! Boys will be boys!”

“He’s just going through a phase!”

“He’s such a boy! He LOVES destroying things!”

“Oh my god! Girls and boys are SO different!”

“He. Just. Can’t. Help himself!”

I tried to teach my daughter how to stop this from happening. She asked him politely not to do it. We talked about some things she might do. She moved where she built. She stood in his way. She built a stronger foundation to the castle, so that, if he did get to it, she wouldn’t have to rebuild the whole thing. In the meantime, I imagine his parents thinking, “What red-blooded boy wouldn’t knock it down?”

She built a beautiful, glittery castle in a public space.

It was so tempting.

He just couldn’t control himself and, being a boy, had violent inclinations.

She had to keep her building safe.

Her consent didn’t matter. Besides, it’s not like she made a big fuss when he knocked it down. It wasn’t a “legitimate” knocking over if she didn’t throw a tantrum.

His desire — for power, destruction, control, whatever- - was understandable.

Maybe she “shouldn’t have gone to preschool” at all. OR, better if she just kept her building activities to home.

I know it’s a lurid metaphor, but I taught my daughter the preschool block precursor of don’t “get raped” and this child, Boy #1, did not learn the preschool equivalent of “don’t rape.”

Not once did his parents talk to him about invading another person’s space and claiming for his own purposes something that was not his to claim. Respect for her and her work and words was not something he was learning. How much of the boy’s behavior in coming years would be excused in these ways, be calibrated to meet these expectations and enforce the “rules” his parents kept repeating?

There was another boy who, similarly, decided to knock down her castle one day. When he did it his mother took him in hand, explained to him that it was not his to destroy, asked him how he thought my daughter felt after working so hard on her building and walked over with him so he could apologize. That probably wasn’t much fun for him, but he did not do it again.

There was a third child. He was really smart. He asked if he could knock her building down. She, beneficent ruler of all pre-circle-time castle construction, said yes… but only after she was done building it and said it was OK. They worked out a plan together and eventually he started building things with her and they would both knock the thing down with unadulterated joy. You can’t make this stuff up.

Take each of these three boys and consider what he might do when he’s older, say, at college, drunk at a party, mad at an ex-girlfriend who rebuffs him and uses words that she expects will be meaningful and respecte, “No, I don’t want to. Stop. Leave.”

The “overarching attitudinal characteristic” of abusive men is entitlement.

epic-lee: THIS IS WHAT COLLEGE FEELS LIKE

Wed, 22 May 2013 19:36:56 -0400

epic-lee:

THIS IS WHAT COLLEGE FEELS LIKE

pillory: Oscar was adopted as a kitten from an animal shelter...

Wed, 22 May 2013 11:00:25 -0400

pillory:

Oscar was adopted as a kitten from an animal shelter and grew up in the third-floor end-stage dementia unit at Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center in Providence, Rhode Island. The 41-bed unit treats people with Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s disease and other illnesses, most of whom are in the end stage of life and are generally unaware of their surroundings. Oscar was one of six cats adopted by Steere House, which bills itself as a “pet friendly” facility.

After about six months, the staff noticed that Oscar, just like the doctors and nurses, would make his own rounds. Oscar would sniff and observe patients, then curl up to sleep with certain ones. The patients he would sleep with often died within several hours of his arrival. One of the first cases involved a patient who had a blood clot in her leg that was ice cold at the time. Oscar wrapped his body around her leg and stayed until the woman died.In another instance, the doctor had made a determination of impending death based on the patient’s condition, while Oscar simply walked away, causing the doctor to believe that Oscar’s streak (12 at the time) had ended. However, it would be later discovered that the doctor’s prognosis was simply 10 hours too early: Oscar later visited the patient, who died two hours later.

Oscar’s accuracy led the staff to institute a new and unusual protocol: once he is discovered sleeping with a patient, staff will call family members to notify them of the patient’s (expected) impending death.

Most of the time the patient’s family has no issue with Oscar being present at the time of death. On those occasions when he is removed from the room at the family’s request, he is known to pace back and forth in front of the door and meow in protest. When present, Oscar will stay by the patient until they die, then after death will quietly leave the room.

snakegrin: If I were a reporter, I would say Benedict Cumberbatch’s name wrong on a regular basis...

Tue, 21 May 2013 22:28:25 -0400

snakegrin:

If I were a reporter, I would say Benedict Cumberbatch’s name wrong on a regular basis and wait for his fanbase to explode and for people to try and correct me. Then I’d sit back and explain to them how this is the same way the media treated Quvenzhane Wallis and none of these people had complaints when it happened to her.

fishingboatproceeds: the-blog-of-anne-frank: I just realized that “pun intended” is a pun on...

Tue, 21 May 2013 22:17:13 -0400

fishingboatproceeds:

the-blog-of-anne-frank:

I just realized that “pun intended” is a pun on “unintended” and I’m literally about to gouge my eyes out I’m so angry

This. Changes. Everything.

Tumblr app: I'm done loading

Tue, 21 May 2013 21:54:56 -0400

Tumblr app: I'm done loading
Me: but what about all these blank pictures and gifs
Tumblr app: did I fucking stutter

stfuconservatives: aknightlight: jackpowerx: acornfarm: defil...

Tue, 21 May 2013 21:54:34 -0400

stfuconservatives:

aknightlight:

jackpowerx:

acornfarm:

defilerwyrm:

AHAHAHA NOT QUITE, OP, NOT QUITE

FUCKING NAILED IT

A+ commentary!

THANK YOU

I had seen the original making the rounds. Glad to see it got a proper rebuttal.

pleasestopbeingsad: Street harassment is not a compliment.

Tue, 21 May 2013 21:51:32 -0400

pleasestopbeingsad:

Street harassment is not a compliment.

steelplatedhearts: i tried to come up with witty commentary...

Tue, 21 May 2013 17:12:34 -0400

steelplatedhearts:

i tried to come up with witty commentary for this, but all i came up with was “what.”

commiekinkshamer: i have no problem with pointing out that anyone of any gender can be an abuser,...

Tue, 21 May 2013 17:11:07 -0400

commiekinkshamer:

i have no problem with pointing out that anyone of any gender can be an abuser, rapist, pedophile etc because that’s absolutely true.

but the problem with always emphasizing “yes but it happens to everyone, not just women (or people of colour, or trans* people, etc)!” is that it depoliticizes the issue.

violence is not an accident, it is reflective of social power relations that permeate society at every level

Call of Duty got a playable dog character before it got any playable women characters

Tue, 21 May 2013 17:10:11 -0400

mediamattersforamerica: The NRA lists the ‘coolest gun movies’: 1. Red Dawn2. The Terminator3. The...

Tue, 21 May 2013 17:06:29 -0400

mediamattersforamerica:

The NRA lists the ‘coolest gun movies’:

1. Red Dawn
2. The Terminator
3. The Alamo
4. Die Hard
5. The Godfather
6. Zombieland
7. The Matrix
8. The Delta Force
9. The Road Warrior
10. Tremors

Flashback: When the NRA blamed mass shootings on violent movies.

sourcedumal: satanic2chainz: specialkchocolateydelight: caliph...

Tue, 21 May 2013 17:05:19 -0400

sourcedumal:

satanic2chainz:

specialkchocolateydelight:

caliphorniaqueen:

“During the civili rights struggle, Birmingham canceled high school prom for many black teenagers. This weekend, the dance went on for the Class of 1963”

http://www.cnn.com/2013/05/19/living/civil-rights-prom/index.html?hpt=hp_c2

The people who were teenagers during the Civil Rights Movement are still alive, y’all. Their lives were affected by blatant, government-sanctioned racism. It astounds me that people act like it was thousands of years ago.

yo i’m tearing up a little bit

This is beautiful. So beautiful.

fandomsandfeminism: False equivalency. There is a difference...

Tue, 21 May 2013 00:00:08 -0400

fandomsandfeminism:

False equivalency.

There is a difference between the commodification and commercialization of women’s bodies filtered for male consumption in the media, the women expressing their own sexuality and pride in their bodies on their own terms and for their own self empowerment.

queenofmanyfandoms: theangelgabrieldidmyhair: The Yahoo people actually coming to look at the site...

Mon, 20 May 2013 23:54:53 -0400

queenofmanyfandoms:

theangelgabrieldidmyhair:

The Yahoo people actually coming to look at the site they want to buy

accurate gif usage

thequeenofscream: beeishappy: Stephen Colbert salutes UVA’s...

Mon, 20 May 2013 23:45:03 -0400

thequeenofscream:

beeishappy:

Stephen Colbert salutes UVA’s Class of 2013 Followed by this.

FUCKING THANK YOU.

julietspencers: fetuses do not think they do not “scream out” when they are aborted they have no...

Mon, 20 May 2013 23:43:46 -0400

julietspencers:

fetuses do not think

they do not “scream out” when they are aborted

they have no brain function and no nerve endings until long after the deadline for a legal abortion

they aren’t “sad” when you abort them

they do not “realize what is happening”

And these aren’t my beliefs, they’re scientific facts

thefingerfuckingfemalefury: thegeekmaster: thefingerfuckingfemalefury: getoffmybloghoe: when you...

Mon, 20 May 2013 23:39:26 -0400

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

thegeekmaster:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

getoffmybloghoe:

when you lose your phone in the blanket and you just

^ THIS CAT IS ME

I’m all ‘WHAT NO WHERE DID IT GO’

And then it turns up in a place that I KNOW I checked like six times and I am even more convinced that there is some kind of phone goblin hiding it from me…

This is Autumn on several occasions. With many electronics.

THEY HIDE FROM THEIR OWNERS

I am telling you they totally do O.O

I just really want this cat gif

feministdisney: xelamanrique: look who’s finally joined! look...

Mon, 20 May 2013 21:13:37 -0400

feministdisney:

xelamanrique:

look who’s finally joined!

look who got pushed to the side

That’s not the new design of Pocahontas…?